Long Version

Starting late Saturday my thought process circled
around "What have I DONE?!?!" The freak-out was
beginning. I figured, no biggy! I was just sad and I'd
fall into happy/excited mode by about Kearney, NE.

No Deal. My brother pointed out that he hadn't seen me
smile ONCE since he'd seen me (first on Sun), and it
was Tues afternoon; I've been getting sick after every
meal; I'd been at the house for 30mins and had already
fallen down the stairs. Great start:)

So, obviously, some self-evaluations were going and I
had a great chat with my brother. The biggest...angst
is/was that I'm giving up my independence. I have as
much an attachment to my freedom as I do to inanimate
objects. So, it's pretty fierce! :) My family knows
who I am and how I get. They (being Mom) really
dislike it, but they raised me this way. The 'rents
wanted me to go to their town Tues night since my
bro/sis-in-law were outta town. I told the 'rents that
I needed "Colleen Time" and that I had a list of
things to get done by weeks end. Mom made fun of my
list. She said to throw it out and enjoy being there.
But, the list is what brought my sanity back. It
focused me. It brought order back to my life. And with
order, there is JOY!! Apparently, I'm Type A. (I find
that insulting!)

So Tues night I put together my room and the bathroom.
I cleaned/straightened up the house (my rent payment!)
and just relaxed. By myself. It was AWESOME!! Exactly
what I needed. My attitude totally flipped with that
list and focus:)

Last night I spent time with Shawn, Shel and Jonas
(youngest nephew) and it was great. Jonas doesn't
really know me, so it worked out great that Lucas was
staying at a b-day party in another town. Jonas and I
are pretty tight now. Lucas showed up this evening and
we've been inseparable. Apparently, he's been wanting
to paint my room since he found out I was moving (he's
4 btw). He wanted to do pink and red with hearts. I'm
not a pink and red with hearts kind-a gal, but he
wanted it b/c he "missed me and was glad I moved
there". That made my heart smile. We cut hearts out of
construction paper instead and he helped me hang them.
He then gave me a fat-lip with a cheap shot to the
face. He's a dirty fighter. :P Brother taught him
well! I love this kid. He chose me to sit next to at
dinner. He sat on my lap while we made hearts and
played with stickers (not grandma's lap, but MINE!).
He wanted me to put him to bed. Jonas has been asking
for MY help down the stairs. He wants to play with me
now too.

Being with this family is...heart-warming. My bro is
amazing to his wife. He's a leader and role model for
his boys. My sis-in-law doesn't nag or push and she
has her own power tools. She's a role model of a
strong woman and wife. And these boys! they have an
infectious laugh.

This is why I am here.
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